Why Indian couldn’t get into the semi-finals? jokes

Submitted by: Krish

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India can never win agianst Australia…

India can never win against Australia…
Know why?

Its all in name
IN-DIA & AUSTRA-LIA

Submitted by: Jia

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First Aid

“How come you’re late?” asks the Manager as Santa walks in the door.

“It was awful,” Santa explains. “I was walking down Mall road and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the road. He’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute.”
“What did you do?” asks the Manager.
Santa says, “I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself from fainting!”

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Defeat of team India

After the shameful defeat of Team India, the team members were not able to show their faces to people and they chose not to go in public and rather just pack up in hotel rooms.

Dravid could not resist for too long to be in the hotel room and still not be able to go out shopping. So he disguises himself as another man and goes out. He meets a woman at the exit of the hotel who greets him
“Hi Dravid!”
Surprised for having been caught he comes back and makes himself up as Muslim woman – in Burkha etc and goes out. Yet the same woman greets him
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Submitted by: A.Qureshi.

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Gandhiji k 3 Bandar…(New Version)

OLD Version

To see the NEW Version scroll down…

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Dailed the wrong number jokes

A Husband makes a call to the Hospital to know about his pregnant Wife.
But accidentally the call went to a Cricket stadium.

He asked ” What is the condition?”
He fainted after What he heard….

Guess What the reply was??
It is…
7 are already out…
3 more will be out by Lunch…
and…
The First one was a DUCK…

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Why Harbhajan Slapped Sreesanth ? jokes

Our Harbhanjan Singh was enjoying Match.
Yuvraj Singh came and asked him, “Are you relaxing?”
Bhajji answered, “No I am Harbhajan Singh”

VRV Singh Came and asked the same Question.
He answered, “No! No!, Me Harbhajan Singh”
Third one came and asked the same question, Bhajji was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.

While walking he saw Sreesanth enjoying the Match. He went and asked him “Are you Relaxing?”
The Sreesanth answered “Yes I am relaxing.”
Bhajji slapped him on his face and said “Are sab tere Ko wahan dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai.”

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Who would have the kid??? jokes

There was a couple married for quite some time and they had a boy of 5-6 years old. Their relationship was turning sour.
So finally it reached such a stage that they thought it was better for them to be divorced than carry on such a relationship.
So they consulted a lawyer. But the big question was who would have the kid. In the hearing in the court. It was decided that this choice should be left on the kid. So the judge asked “Son, would you like to stay with your mummy?”
Kid said,“No, mummy beats me” ( So the judge asked “Then, would you like to stay with your papa then ?” Kid said, “No, papa beats me” ( Now the judge was in a dilemma and was not able to decide what to do… after pondering for some time he smiled with the ideas he had in his mind about the child…
And he gave the judgment that the kid would stay with…
any guesses?
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Memory porblem

There were these two elderly people living in a Florida old age home. He was a widower and she a widow. They had known one another for a number of years.
Now, one evening, there was a community supper in the big activity center. These two were at the same table, across from one another. As the meal went on, he made a few admiring glances at her and finally gathered up his courage to ask her, “Will you marry me?”
After some ‘careful consideration,’ she answered, “Yes, I will.”

The meal ended and with a few more pleasant exchanges, they went to their respective rooms.

Next morning, he was troubled. “Did she say ‘yes’ or did she say ‘no’?” He couldn’t remember.
Try as he would, he just could not recall. Not even a faint memory. When he tried to see her, he found that she had gone to visit her daughter.

With trepidation, he went to the telephone and called her. First, he explained to her that his memory was not as good as it used to be. Then he reviewed the lovely evening past. As he gained a little more courage, he then inquired of her, “When I asked if you would marry me, did you say ‘Yes’ or did you say ‘No’?”
He was delighted to hear her say, “Why, I said, ‘Yes, I will’ and I meant it with all my heart.”
Then she continued, “And I am so glad that you called, because I couldn’t remember who had asked me that night.”

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First Aid

“How come you’re late?” asks the Manager as Santa walks in the door.

“It was awful,” Santa explains. “I was walking down Mall road and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the middle of the road. He’d been thrown from his car. His leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there was blood everywhere.

Thank God I took that first-aid course and all my training came back to me in a minute.”
“What did you do?” asks the Manager.
Santa says, “I sat down and put my head between my knees to keep myself from fainting!”

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Cricket in Heaven

Anil Kumble and Sachin Tendulkar, now elderly, 85 and 80 years old are sitting on a park bench outside Lord’s cricket ground feeding pigeons and talking about cricket, past series and tours.

Kumble turns to Tendulkar and asks, ‘Do you think there’s cricket in heaven?’
Tendulkar thinks about it for a minute and replies, ‘I dunno. But let’s make an agreement: if I die first, I’ll come back and tell you if there’s cricket in heaven, and if you die first, you do the same.’ They shake hands on it.
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Why India lost World cup final in 2003???

Why India lost World cup final in 2003???
Reason:
Just in case you were still wondering as to why India lost the final of the
2003 world cup after playing so well in the league games, probably here lies
the answer…..

The teams that qualified for the super six stage…
India, Sri Lanka, Australia, New Zealand, Kenya, Zimabawe.
Note there are two teams each from the continents of Asia,Australia & Africa respectively.
The teams that have the last alphabet “a” in their names qualified for the
semifinals.
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Why did India lost the One Day Series in SA? jokes

Why India lost the one day series in South Africa ???
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India can never win agianst Australia… jokes

India can never win against Australia…
Know why?

Its all in name
IN-DIA & AUSTRA-LIA

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Plastic Surgeon makes lot Differences jokes

A 60 year old woman was walking along when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100.”
She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard, “You will live to be 100.”
Oh! she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I’ve got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon.

She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon’s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God, “You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?”.
God said, “I didn’t recognize you”.

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My Hearing is Perfect jokes

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”

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The teeth… jokes

The old man ordered one hamburger,one order of French fries and one drink and the old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half.

He placed one half in front of his wife. He then carefully counted out the French fries, dividing them into two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.

He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As he began to eat his few bites of hamburger, the people around them kept looking over and whispering, “That poor old couple – all they can afford is one meal for the two of them.”
As the man began to eat his fries a young man came to the table. He politely offered to buy another meal for the old couple.
The old man said,”they were just fine”. They were used to sharing everything.
The surrounding people noticed the little old lady hadn’t eaten a bite. She sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged them to let him buy another meal for them.
This time the old woman said, “No, thank you, we are used to sharing everything.”
As the old man finished and was wiping his face neatly with the napkin, the young man again came over to the little old lady who had yet to eat a single bite of food and asked “What is it you are waiting for?”
She answered…. “The teeth”

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Goodbye to mother jokes

A couple were going out for the evening. They’d got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrives, and as the couple got out, the cat shoots back in. They don’t want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.
The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty explains to the taxi driver “He’s just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother.”

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab -“Sorry I took so long” he says, “Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!”

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Making money jokes

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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Yamraj se pangaa jokes

A man died and went to the skies.
Yamraj met him at the Gates of Heaven and said, ‘Before you meet with God, I should tell you – you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not sure what to do with you. Tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?’

The man thought for a moment and replied, ‘Once I was driving along and came upon a woman who was being harassed by a gang. So I got out and went up to the leader of the gang.’
‘He was a big, muscular, hairy guy with tattoos all over his body and a ring pierced through his nose. Well, I tore the nose ring out of his nose, and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the woman or they would have to deal with me!’ the man said.
‘I’m impressed,’ Yamraj responded, ‘When did this happen?’

‘About two minutes ago,’ came the reply.

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Windy jokes

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, ‘Windy, isn’t it?‘ No, ‘the second man replied, ‘it’s Thursday.’ The third man chimed in, ‘So am I. Let’s have a beer.’

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Plastic Surgeon makes lot Differences jokes

A 60 year old woman was walking along when she heard a voice from above “You will live to be 100.”
She looked around and didn t see anyone. Again she heard, “You will live to be 100.”
Oh! she thought to herself, that was the voice of God. I’ve got 40 more years to live! So off she went to the plastic surgeon.

She got everything fixed from head to toe. When she left the plastic surgeon’s office, she got hit by a bus,died, and went up to heaven.
She said to God, “You told me I would live to be 100. I was supposed to have had 40 more years. So how come you let the bus kill me?”.
God said, “I didn’t recognize you”.

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How you earned it

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”
“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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Old man don’t eat peanut jokes

An old man and a young man work together in an office. The old man always has a jar of peanuts on his desk, and the young man really loves peanuts.
One day, while the old man is away from his desk, the young man yields to temptation and scarfs down over half of the contents of the jar. When the old man returns, the young man feels guilty and confesses to his crime.

“Don’t worry, son. I never eat the peanuts anyway,” the old man replies. “Since I lost my teeth, all I can do is gum chocolate off the M&M’s.”

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My Hearing is Perfect

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art. It’s perfect.”

“Really,” answered the neighbor . “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”

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Making money

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the great depression. I was down to my last nickel.”
“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, i sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”
“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

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No C jokes

Santa meets his friend Banta
Santa : A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B, A & B…!

Banta : Oye, Iska Matlab ?

Santa : Kuch Nahin Yaar, I Mean Long Time No C..!

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Undewear… jokes

Ek ladke ne jockey ka underwear kharida. 2 din bad woh gaon chala gaya.

Waha usne apni dhoti upar karke sabko dikhaya.
Baad mein ghar pahuncha toh pata chala ki underwear toh chair par para tha!!!

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Nutrition jokes

Ek 10 saal ka bachha bahot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: “Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare”.
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Main yeh dekhna chahta hoon ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.

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A Donkey kicked sardar jokes

A donkey kicked sardar & ran away, sardar ran to catch the donkey.
He saw a zebra and started beating it and said, ‘Sala tracksuit pahan ke dhoka de raha hai’.

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kya du? jokes

SARDAR : Yaar maine apni girl friend ko gift dena hai, kya du?
2ND : Gold ring de de.
1ST : koi badi cheez bata.
2ND : M.R.F ka tyre de de.

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Aey Bhai!!! jokes

Munna : Abay Circuit! Jaa baajo walay ghar say Doctor ko bula k laa, meri tabiat kharab ho reli hai.
Circuit : Aey Bhai!!! aap to khud doctor ho.
Munna : Bolay to meri fees bahut zyada hai.

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Black baby jokes

Ek gora aadmi tha. Jab uska ladka paida hua toh woh kala tha. Tabhi woh apni patni ke paas jata hai aur poochta hai, “Yaar main bhi gora tha tum bhi gori thi to bachcha kaise kala paida ho gaya”

Aur phir uski biwi ne jawab diya, “Darling main bhi hot tum bhi hot sayad bachcha jal gaya hoga.”

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Roopvati, Gunvati and Dhanvati jokes

Dad : The girl whom I showed you is roopvati, gunvati and dhanvati. So you should marry her.
Son : But the girl whom I love is roopvati, dhanvati and garbhvati so I must marry her.

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Gabbar ka khauf… jokes

Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.
Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.

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Kitne admi they?

Gabbar : Kitne admi they?
Sambha : Sardar 2 Gabbar : Mujhe ginti nahin aati, 2 kitne hote hain?
Samba : Sardar 2, 1 ke baad aata hai

Gabbar : Aur 2 ke pehle?
Samba : 2 k pehle 1 aata hai.
Gabbar : To beech mein kaun ata hai?
Samba : Beech mein koi nahi aata

Gabbar : To phir dono ek saath kyun nahin aate?
Samba : 1 k baad hi 2 aa sakta hai, kyun ki 2, 1 se bada hai.
Gabar : 2, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samba : 2, 1 se 1 bada hai.
Gabbar : Agar 2, 1 se 1 bada hai to 1, 1 se kitna bada hai?
Samnba : Sardar maine aapka namak khaya hai, mujhe goli maar do..

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Larki mehnati hoti hai

Research ke mutabiq larkian larkon se zyada mehnati hoti hai
Aapko pata hai kaise??
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Nahi pata
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Main bata deta hoon aapko
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Kyun ki
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100 mein se 10
Larkia’n naturally
khoobsurat hoti hai
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Aur baki
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Apni Mehnat se…

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Pappu aur Pinki

Pappu Pinko ko pasand karta hay, aur Pinki Pappu k bhai ko… Jab k Pappu k bhai ko Pinki ki behan achi lagti hai aur Pinki ki behan ko Pappu pasand karti hai.
Halan-k Pappu pehle hi Pinki ko chahta hai…. Ab jab-k Pinko ko Pappu acha nahin lagta aur Pappu ka bhai Pinki k liye razi nahi hay aur Pappu Pinki ki behan se pyar nahin karta jab k Pinki ki behan ko Pappu ka bhai acha nahin lagta… To ye unka personal problem hay.


Aap kyon apna dimag kharab ker rahe ho!!!

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Bahana nahi chahiae

Sardar: Mere podho ko pani de ramu.

Ramu: Sir barish gir rahi hai!
Sardar: Bahana nahi chahiae, chata leke ja…

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Roopvati, Gunvati and Dhanvati

Dad : The girl whom I showed you is roopvati, gunvati and dhanvati. So you should marry her.
Son : But the girl whom I love is roopvati, dhanvati and garbhvati so I must marry her.

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Husband’s poem on saali

**WARNING**
THIS IS NOT TRUE IN CASE OF EVERY SAALI. AND DO NOT TAKE THIS PERSONALLY!!

Saali is Beauty, Wife is Duty

Saali is Pension, Wife is Tension

Saali is Yummy, Wife is Vehmi

Saali is Pataka, Wife is BATAKA

Saali is Cool, Wife is Fool

Saali is Tooti – Fruity, Wife is Kismat Futi

Saali is Fresh cake , Wife is earth QUAKE

*Ek Dukhi Paati.*

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Andey aur bacche

Teacher: Zameen par rehne wali janwer bacche deti hai, Hawa mein urne wali andey deti hai!
Woh konsi cheez hai jo hawa mai bhi urti hai or bacche bhi deti hai??

Student: “Air Hostess!”

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Gabbar ka khauf…

Maa apne bete se kehti: Beta so ja warna gabbar aa jayega.

Beta apni maa se kehta: Maa mujhe Chocolate do varna papa se keh dunga ke mere sone ke bad roz gabbar aata hai.

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Banta goes to watch dance jokes

Banta mujra dekhne gaya, Sari raat mujra dekhta raha

Bai: Saheb humne aap ko khush kiya, Ab aap hamein khush karo.

Toh banta utha aur khud nachne laga.

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Chhota bartan…jokes

Customer: Ek kilo gaay(cow) ka doodh dena.

Shopkeper: Lekin tumhara bartan toh bahut chhota hai.

Customer: Theek hai toh phir bakri ka de de.

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Samne tha Bus Stop jokes

A policeman caught a Pathan driver stopping the bus at the road and began asking questions:

Policeman: “Tumne bich road pe bus Kyun rok di?”

Pathan: Hum seher mein naya aaya hai magar Kanoon nahi torta! Woh samne dekho likha hai “Bus Stop” Toh humne rok diya :p

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Good Wan! OR Good One! jokes

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!

Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to me. Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.

Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Ree.

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!

Operator: That’s what I said. I’m Saw Ree…

Caller: Oh… God!!

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